“Listening to personal experiences is a very powerful tool in a prisoner’s rehabilitation process,” says Rimutaka Prison Faith Based Unit Manager Wayne Andrews. Wayne invited Vic Tamati to talk to the unit about how he changed the curse of violence in his family, proving just how powerful a tool it is.

“Who of you guys saw me on TV?” was Vic’s opening question at the presentation. Nearly all the 45 attending prisoners raised their hands. “Man you let them watch too much TV!” Vic joked. But the It’s Not OK advertisements against family violence ‘starring’ Vic are no laughing matter, and as soon as he warmly greeted the young prisoner Tom*, a fellow Samoan, emotions started to hit home.

Vic’s story was impressive. He talked from the heart about how he himself came to use violence “Mum and dad were ‘freshies’ from Samoa. They used violence because that was all they knew and then that was all I knew,” he says. His stories are horrendous and he doesn’t want them put to paper. “What will there be left to tell when I visit people round the country?”

“It’s always OK to ask for help,” says prisoner Nooroa* when asked what Vic’s most important message to him was. “Vic gave us a good message here today and as a Cook Islander I recognize much of what he said. My father used to hang me up on a clothes line for punishment. And I also started doing it to my son. Coming to jail made me think about it. My son doesn’t visit me. My wife has left me. I know I did wrong.”

Vic was convinced he would never do to his family what had been done to him. But he did, he just changed the method. “I thought if I used a stick or a shoe and not my fists I wouldn’t be like my father. But of course I was. It ended when my eight-year old daughter stood up to me. I punished her even more severely for that. But her teacher called social welfare as soon as she saw the bruises, and my wife and six children went to a refuge. But they came back because that same eight-year-old daughter missed me and didn’t want me to be lonely.”

At the presentation, it’s moments like this when emotions ran high. Encouraging comments like “Bro’, it’s all good” came from the captive audience. Wayne later says, “That’s how I know a lot of them were connecting with Vic. That is why I was so happy when I was approached by Sergeant Haley Ryan, Supervisor of the Family Safety Team in Hutt Valley to have Vic come and talk to us.”

Prisoner Tom recognised Vic’s story. “How he got the beating from his father made me feel for him. I’ve been through that. I am only 21 now so I hope I can change. Vic has made me think. It’s not about proving yourself by beating someone up, it’s about proving yourself through communication.”

Vic talked about his journey to turn the curse of violence around. “I call it a curse, not only from my parents but also from school. I remember having to put my hands on the desk and being slapped. It was not until recently that I found out it was not for having dirty fingernails. My sister told me it was because I asked to go to the toilet in Samoan. But then when I came home and spoke English I would get a hiding for that. You can’t win.”

Ten years ago Vic entered a Family Violence Programme. After his daughter stood up to him he was in danger of losing his wife and children. “I went to an Anger Management Course,” says Vic. “I started talking to my wife and children about it. When they now see the signs of anger they can warn me: ‘Dad, it’s time for a walk’. They can even joke about it. When Once were Warriors showed my kids started calling me Jake…

“So I started to change  because there was only one person who had to change and that was me. Now my push is to give back to the community by talking to you guys. It makes me emotional because I feel I should be sitting where you guys are sitting. But if my story can reach people, it’s been worth it.”

* These are fictional names to protect the prisoner's privacy

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